The Whitelocke Anthology: "Cooking with Heraclitus"

Below is an extract from my popular historical cook book "Cooking with Heraclitus". This recipe comes from Part 3, entitled "Marinades for Balearic Island Cave Goat, Sardinian Giant Shrew, Tarpan and other red meats"

Grilled Mutton
As explained in great length in the chapters on goat, sardine and monk seal, the key to cooking in the style of Heraclitus is preparing uniquely ancient Grecian dishes while strictly complying with his confusing and often contradictory philosophies.

While eating red meat was almost unknown in Heraclitan times, the "Weeping Philosopher" has a lot to teach us on its preparation. Interestingly, his take on the famous Greek dish of marinated mutton is gamey and heavily salted. While in modern Greek cookery you might expect to see the involvement of Greek oregano (rigani), tomatoes and lemon in this type of dish, under the Heraclitan recipe the only ingredients in the marinade are vinegar and blood. If you must, you can substitute lamb for mutton in this recipe but, at all costs, avoid Hogget.

Ingredients
Mutton
Salt
Blood
Vinegar

Preparation
Firstly prepare the marinade. This will involve mixing 4 cups of sheep's blood with 2 cups of vinegar in a cast iron pot.

Heraclitus famously maintained "You cannot step twice into the same river." Therefore before marinating the meat I always wash it in one, and only one, local river. The Hawkesbury is probably the most convenient for my readers although the Manning and Murrumbidgee also impart good flavour. Washing raw meat in the Parramatta River will almost certainly lead to death. Once washed, the meat should be left in the marinade for at least 14 days.

Heraclitus argued that "the path up and down is one and the same". In cooking the mutton, this will require you to apply additional blood and vinegar marinade in strictly vertical brush strokes while the meat is cooking.

During the entire process, you must at all times remember that "The death of fire is the birth of air, and the death of air is the birth of water." I interpret this to mean that after you have first grilled the mutton over an open flame, you must then blow out the flame and submerge the meat in water at a rolling boil for at least 40 minutes.

Lastly, when eating this dish, it is critical to always follow the ritual of setting aside the gods' share (the fat and bones) to be burnt while the human share is eaten. If you are concerned you are not giving the gods a large enough share, the most prudent approach is often to burn the entire meal.

Ten Years of CLERP: A Retrospective: Part 1

Over the next 18 to 24 months I plan to release a ten part retrospective on the first decade of CLERP. The last ten years have seen incredible changes to the social, economic and jurisprudential fabric of Australia, all of which can be more or less attributed to the all-pervading influence of CLERP.

For the younger members of my readership, CLERP was and is a programme of amendments made by the Corporate Law Economic Reform Program Act 1999 to the Corporations Law in Australia. These changes focused on many areas of corporate regulation, including accounting standards, fundraising and takeovers. CLERP attempted to improve productivity, promote market freedom and increase investor protection. It is fair to say that, while demonstrating a fanatical, almost French, obsession with the codification of law, CLERP has achieved both none and all of these goals.

It is widely known that I was responsible for almost all the significant reforms achieved by CLERP. Like the great Theban King Laius and fictional scientist Miles Bennett Dyson*, I fear that, having created my brilliant offspring (CLERP), it will ultimately lead to my tragic downfall. For example, I inserted a requirement in the Corporations Act 2001 that a majority shareholder seeking to enforce compulsory acquisition must provide a report from an expert opining on the fairness of the offer price. This amendment dovetailed neatly with my newly established expert takeover share price assessment business but the subsequent success of which saw me spiral into erratic behaviour and a chronic dependence on colonic irrigation. I was quite unprepared for the trappings of overnight wealth and fame.

With that background now forever in your mind, we move to the year 2000, the first of CLERP. In analysing that crucial year, it is important to remember that while drafting CLERP in 1999 I was deeply influenced by my privileged childhood in the Great Depression, the decade long stagflation in the Eastern Bloc throughout the 1980s and my short but profoundly influential dalliance with Raelian theology. Recognisant of those influences, it is abundantly clear that the most significant CLERP related events in the year 2000 were:

a) Australia introduces the Goods and Services Tax (GST). This was a terrible result of Peter Costello’s incredible overreaction to the CLERP requirement that the legislature, rather than the AASC, should now make determinations regarding which types of entities should comply with accounting standards;

b) Labor won the August 12 1990 Isaacs By-Election. This was despite the fact that I had amended the entire of Division 9 (Evidentiary use of certain material) of the Australian Securities and Investments Commission Act 1989 to, when read backwards, repeat the line “Ann Corcoran is the Great Satan”; and

c) Even more influentially, the Brisbane Broncos won the NRL grand final. Unlikely hero Harvey Howard later confided to me that the confidence that CLERP had given him, as a retail investor, allowed him to focus on delivering a match winning performance from the interchange bench.

So, gentle reader, there ends the first instalment of the Twilight saga of Australian corporate law reform. Stay tuned for more of the CLERP retrospective. In future editions you will discover incredible facts such as CLERP’s unlikely connection to the grounding of the Pasha Bulker and how simplified company lodgement and compliance procedures led to the 2005 chart success of Shannon Noll’s “Lift”.


*Incredibly, not only do I believe the character Miles Bennett Dyson in the tech-reality drama Terminator 2 was based on me, the script of the fourth instalment of that highly popular moving picture franchise was almost entirely faithful to the wording of my first draft of the fourth edition of CLERP: “CLERP Salvation”.